Tariffs Got You Down? Bite Back With Small-Batch Artisanal Croutons

Recipe

• Bread
• Olive oil
• Salt
• Seasonings of your choice (my go-to is a dried garlic and sea salt grinder + some Italian seasonings. (More suggestions below.))

Directions

• Select your bread. It can be anything really, but I like something thick and dense. A sourdough or brioche. Or something crusty from the bakery.
• Preheat oven to…whatever, really. Lower and longer or higher and faster (that’s what she said). Why not try out 300 degrees to start.
• Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
• Cut bread into cubes. Place bread on parchment-lined baking sheet.
• Drizzle with olive oil. A generous enough poor to coat more of the bread than not, but we don’t want soggy bread.
• Add salt, pepper and seasonings. Toss.
• Bake until croutons start to brown, then give them a toss/stir/flip and bake for a little longer. Pull them before they start to get too dark. (How long, you ask? If it’s 300 degrees, then probably 16-18 minutes and then another 12-14 minutes.)

Other seasoning suggestions:

• Gallic + finely shredded parmesan cheese
• Garlic + rosemary
• Everything bagel seasoning (try cubed bagels as the bread)
• Keep it light with just some salt and cracked pepper

The Story

The world is complicated. Global trade, inflation, supply chain disruptions and tariffs that make your… everything feel like luxury goods. It’s enough to make anyone pour a glass of wine at 3 p.m. (For cooking purposes, obviously.)

The global economy may be a swirling vat of uncertainty. However, one thing remains reliable, comforting, and slightly crunchy. That thing is small-batch artisanal croutons.

Yes, my friends. Macroeconomic forces threaten to unravel the very fabric of your soup and salad courses. Yet, these little cubes of herb-flecked joy are here to hold the line. Homemade croutons are so much better than store bought croutons. And these croutons are so much better than regular homemade croutons because they’re small batch. And artisanal.

Made from day-old bread (or new bread—whatever—it all comes out the same) that was rescued from its otherwise tragic destiny as your kids’ peanut butter and jelly that they would find fault with, these bread cubes are lovingly tossed in olive oil that may or may not be “extra virgin” (I don’t pry, though the slutty olive oil is probably a pretty good time), and roasted to crispy perfection, these croutons are a revolution you can chew on.

And sure, maybe we could buy cheaper, mass-produced croutons that taste like seasoned drywall. But we’re not monsters. Instead, we chose flavor, integrity and a vaguely smug sense of superiority. These croutons are seasoned with whatever the hell we like plus just a hint of “I know a guy at the farmers market.” They’re crunchy, bougie and oddly empowering.

Because when life gives you tariffs, you make soup or a great salad. And when you make soup or salad, you top it with these.

(They’re amazing with a creamy tomato bisque. Add some freshly shaved Parmesan on top. *chef’s kiss*)